One time I shared a post that contained (unbeknownst to me) incorrect information about how big anglerfish are and people sent me anon hate about it for years and accused me of being the center of a conspiracy to spread fish-based misinformation, I would occasionally get messages in my inbox out of the blue like “You’re a terrible person for telling lies about fish and I hope you die,” and I think that that more than anything else is the real Tumblr Dot Com experience
Anyway anglerfish are fucking huge. They’re born the size of a Ford F250 and grow up to be six times taller than God.
I didn’t know that polished malachite didn’t react to water and when I saw a bathroom with a bunch of malachite in it I was like Holy Shit What A Bad Idea
And I got several messages telling me I was what was wrong with both tumblr and America and I should die
Anyway I don’t talk much on this site anymore
Very on brand for Tumblr to think “misinformation” means “being wrong about inconsequential trivia”
Btw I saw an anglerfish on my way to work earlier and that bitch was at least 500 apples tall
My best friend is an anglerfish, so I personally can confirm, at least 10,000 apples tall.
What started off as a small lie, but snowballed into “this is my life now”?
My freshman year of college I was walking around campus when a very friendly looking girl waved at me. I’m awkward, so of course I waved back. The next week, the same thing.
This began the weirdest saga of my life.
For the next two years, we greeted each other as old friends every time we came across the other. She knew my name (somehow?), I never could figure hers out and it was WAY too late to ask. I just pretended I knew who she was and why she knew me.
Finally, I joined the honors program and entered my classes for my thesis. Who should be in this class but mystery girl! I was horrified. I wouldn’t be able to pass it off anymore.
First day of class we are all sitting there chatting and she greets me by name, again. I had finally learned her name from attendance, thank God. Someone asks, finally, “oh, so do you two know each other? Where’d you meet?”
Silence.
I stare at her. She stares at me. Finally she breaks down wailing. “I don’t know! I don’t know, okay, we’ve just been waving at each other for two years and it was too late to ask!”
Shes standing in my wedding next spring as one of my bridesmaids and very best friends.
My current job has me working with children, which is kind of a weird shock after years in environments where a “young” patient is 40 years old. Here’s my impressions so far:
Birth - 1 year: Essentially a small cute animal. Handle accordingly; gently and affectionately, but relying heavily on the caregivers and with no real expectation of cooperation.
Age 1 - 2: Hates you. Hates you so much. You can smile, you can coo, you can attempt to soothe; they hate you anyway, because you’re a stranger and you’re scary and you’re touching them. There’s no winning this so just get it over with as quickly and non-traumatically as possible.
Age 3 - 5: Nervous around medical things, but possible to soothe. Easily upset, but also easily distracted from the thing that upset them. Smartphone cartoons and “who wants a sticker?!!?!?” are key management techniques.
Age 6 - 10: Really cool, actually. I did not realize kids were this cool. Around this age they tend to be fairly outgoing, and super curious and eager to learn. Absolutely do not babytalk; instead, flatter them with how grown-up they are, teach them some Fun Gross Medical Facts, and introduce potentially frightening experiences with “hey, you want to see something really cool?”
Age 11 - 14: Extremely variable. Can be very childish or very mature, or rapidly switch from one mode to the other. At this point you can almost treat them as an adult, just… a really sensitive and unpredictable adult. Do not, under any circumstances, offer stickers. (But they might grab one out of the bin anyway.)
Age 15 - 18: Basically an adult with severely limited life experience. Treat as an adult who needs a little extra education with their care. Keep parents out of the room as much as possible, unless the kid wants them there. At this point you can go ahead and offer stickers again, because they’ll probably think it’s funny. And they’ll want one. Deep down, everyone wants a sticker.
This is also a pretty excellent guide to writing kids of various ages
i hate that this post blew up because everyone is talking about men fucking on the floor and its making me hot under the collar. you are distracting me
